The last 5 years of my life have been like some bizarre
Whack-A-Mole game where unfortunately I have been
playing the role of the mole. Short rundown is that I got cancer
in late 2007 and underwent a double
mastectomy and 6 courses of chemotherapy
and a lovely case of shingles on my face (which thankfully only
left me with a
couple of scars). Shortly before my second chemo treatment my
employer called to tell me that due to the fact that my husband had a double
bypass in Jan, ’07 and I had the surgery and chemo we had unfortunately reached
our lifetime cap with our insurance company of $1milion dollars and they could
not afford to insure me so they were terminating my employment. When I finally finished my chemo they
informed me that the nerve damage in my feet, tinnitus in my ears and a
non-functioning thyroid were a rare but permanent situation, meaning it is what
it is and at least my cancer is gone. At
this point I entered into a four year abusive relationship with the government
over whether I am disabled or not. As if
having a ringing in my ears that sounds like a 24/7 smoke alarm going off in my
head, being unable to wear shoes for more than five minutes without my feet
burning like someone was holding them next to a blowtorch, or being
ridiculously overweight because of my thyroid wasn’t good enough for them. Then in 2011 I contracted Transverse Myelitis
which left me partially paralyzed from the waist down. I spent two weeks in the hospital and one of
those was in acute rehab where I had to learn how to walk all over again. On the upside, the government was kind enough
to determine that this was a legitimate disability (like the previous claim was
illegitimate) and awarded me SSDI and Medicare coverage. Then last week for no apparent reason, my
right leg went completely numb from the hip to the foot. Soooo, I’m just sitting here wondering when
God will get tired of using my life as his personal "whack-a-mole"
game...I'm tired of the whole thing and I'm not sure I have enough fight to pop
back up just to be whacked again...I'm trying to make sense of all this but all
I can come up with is that one life must suck so that many others lives can be
happy. Once again…I have drawn the short
straw. So I'm pretty much done with all
of it.
