Smile a While

I've recently been taking stock of my life and yesterday my therapist told me that she thought I was one of the strongest women she knows.  I've dealt with a lot of adversity and each time I have overcome and walked on.  It shocked me.  I don't particularly think of myself that way.  I think I throw up a good facade, but inside, I feel like, in some ways,  I deserve the bad treatment I've received.  Then I though about it and I remember a time when I had developed a hatred for my job and my boss who was never happy with my work.  I decided that I just couldn't go on this way.  I was ready to quit and move on.  Then I thought, try a smile.  Paste that smile on your face and no matter what happens do not let it slip. I had a smile on my face  for weeks as I walked around at work.  On reflection, I discovered that it's very hard to berate an employee who has a smile on their face.  It's hard to be angry in anyway in the company of a smile.  When I first husband was at the height of his fury, in my face and screaming at me, I smiled while he was doing it.  It drove him crazy.  You might ask why I poked an irate spousal abuser and, honestly I don't know why.  Perhaps I wanted him to realize the futility of his behavior or to make him so mad that he would just hit me and get it over with so he could shut up.  This was my first foray into behavior modification.  When we separated, he would call me on the phone screaming so loud people in the room could overhear what he was saying.  It was both disturbing and embarrassing.  So, the next time he called and started yelling, I would hang up the phone.  He would dial back and start screaming and I hung up on him again.  The third time he began to speak in a civil tone but the minute he started to ramp up to a yell I hung up on him.  After a week of this he started to get the message that, if he needed to speak to me, he better keep a civil tongue in his head or be hung up on.  Where in the world I got the gumption to do that, I don't know.  I've found many ways to promote behavior modification.  So maybe, I am just a little stronger than I thought I was.  It was a good feeling to keep a smile on my face!  Try it some time.  It's just a smile after all!